If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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