Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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