ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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