I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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