I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
