Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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