cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
