dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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