Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
