Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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