Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
