Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
