trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
