yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
