finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
