I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
