Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just cropdusted the office
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
