so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
