We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
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