One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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