all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
