y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
