His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
