Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
