I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
