I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
