The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
