i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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