i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
