ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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