he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
