life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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