My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
