walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
