Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
