8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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