it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
