youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Randomize
