she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
