Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
