Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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