I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
