I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
What a dumb baby whore.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
