Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
two words...techno handjob
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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