this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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