Please, let me fuck your mom
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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