fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
