ya dads aren't the best wingmen
she was so not down for the gang bang
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
