No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
