Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
whose parrot is this?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
